Laughing in the Face of Fear

There are many frightening things in life, but there is a special type of terror only known to parents. From the first day a completely dependent being is placed in your arms, the intense feelings of responsibility for keeping another person alive can be overwhelming. Many parents in the past, if not all, either had children who had died or knew other people’s children who had died. Living with this grief and then raising other children at the same time must have created a special intimacy between the living and the dead.

Although the terror of a toddler running towards a street is special in its own way, the fears of parents once their children start to drive and wander the world unaccompanied by us are not small. The 24 hour news cycle feeds parents fears of accidental death, often giving the impression that dangers are greater than they are. Ever since I heard about a college freshman freezing to death in a parking lot in the Midwest, I have remained anxious when my own kids go out in the winter. “Don’t freeze to death!” has become both my regular farewell and a joke, but underneath it is an irrational fear generated by actual possibilities.

One of the most effective ways to deal with the sadness and fear of death is through humor. Living with death requires both a certain amnesia as well as resignation and a deep acceptance of reality. Humor and play can help with both of these. A good laugh relieves stress and generates endorphins, bringing with it many health benefits. A shared laugh fosters group cohesion and bonding. Especially when groups are under duress, as Viktor Frankel wrote, “humor is one of the soul’s weapons to transcend despair”.

Although on its surface, Halloween can appear frivolous, it’s origin is part of an ancient festival for honoring the dead. Originating in the pagan Celtic holiday Samhain, when it was believed that the barriers between the spirit world and ours thinned and then adopted by the Catholic Church as a holiday to honor departed souls, it is still a time for remembering and honoring the dead. Just like the Day of the Dead in Mexico honors the spirits of deceased loved ones in joyful celebration, so too can Halloween cheerfully evoke our connections to the other side.

As the year begins its descent into winter, as the short days and long nights begin to take shape, it is possible to imagine a door way into the netherworld opening. That the dark time of the year is greeted by playful imaginings, of the sense that anything is possible, but also will always end the same way, offers and opportunity to reflect on the meaning of being human. The light hearted play of costumed children asking for candy feels like an appropriate introduction to the best way to manage the darkness that all people know. As Peggy Lee sings, “If that’s all there is, my friends, then let’s keep dancing”.